SHO Club reviews "Driven" Starring Sylvester Stallone
"Take my hat, please" Til Schweiger, Sylvester Stallone and Kip Pardue in Warner Brothers' Driven - 2001 Warner Brothers Photo
Autoweek magazine’s cover had the quote from the Hollywood crowd: "Driven is better than the real thing."
Then they printed on the cover: "Uh-oh"
Meaning, when someone says something is better than the real thing, it probably is not even close.
This time, the warning was for real. The theater in my hometown was empty except for the wife and I, and one other couple on this weeknight. The other couple asked if we had seen the movie yet, (they had not) and I said, "No, but I have read about it in the automotive magazines and they generally said it wasn’t going to be a classic, but was good entertainment."
The plot can be summed up by: Boy loses girl, girls mess up all the drivers heads, bad girl sneers, boys fight over the girl, bad girl sneers and makes really bad comments that cut to the quick, boy gets girl back, bad girl gets comeuppance, boys all become friends (see picture below).
"You da-man, NO YOU da-man! We both da-man." Sylvester Stallone and Cristian De La Fuente in Warner Brothers' Driven - 2001 Warner Brothers Photo
Where was the racing? Oh, they had some of that, plus some great computer animation crashes, cars racing on the streets of Chicago, lots of shots of skinny girls in tight outfits (T&A galore), and lots of shots of chubby guys. The director obviously loves cute girls and is not in any way concerned with being P.C. The director also thinks all men at car races have beer guts, and that includes most of the crews.
The director also grossed me out throughout the movie with huge 40 ft wide shots of the pimply faced hero, the stone faced German anti-hero, and the 10’ deep creases in Sly’s face with that patented sneer, right out of Rocky IX. Lots of shakey "trendy" camera work too.
"brake left, gas right, sneeer now" Sylvester Stallone as Joe Tanto in Warner Brothers' Driven - 2001 Warner Brothers Photo
So where was the racing? There were shots of several tracks, a few non-speaking cameos by CART regulars, with some attention paid to Juan Montoya. Did I mention that this was supposed to be a movie about Formula One? So when the F1 powers made things too tough, Sly decided to make it about CART. But they forgot to re-write the movie, it still looks and sounds and plays like a F1 Circus show.
There was a lot of obligatory shifting and flooring of the gas pedal. I counted three times in one straightaway that a single driver floored the gas to go "faster." Drivers also conducted long thoughtful conversations between each other, over the car radios, while racing!
The main actor-drivers all have about the same charisma as the drivers in F1. Meaning none. Since it was a "car" movie, Burt Reynolds and his hairpiece had to be part of it. Burt plays the part of a team owner that has no scruples but has lots of integrity. (That will make sense when you see the movie.) He is in a wheelchair, giving tension between him and Stallone, because somehow, Stallone’s character was responsible. Most of the dialog is garbled, mumbled and hidden by hard rock music that plays under everything except about 5 seconds of bagpipes.
I won’t give the ending away. I don’t have to. It is telegraphed somewhere in the opening credits.
Finally, I have to say this….Driven is the best racing comedy since Burt,his Firebird, the truck driver and the Sheriff. Note that the movie was not intended to be a comedy, it just turns out that way.
Rent it, then ask over all your gearhead buddies. Get a few (no SEVERAL) beers under your belt and it should be great fun. Have lots of soft things to throw at the TV for every time they "floor it."
Number of steering wheels (rating) = ¼ out of a possible 5.
